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Anguished English is the impossibly funny anthology of accidental assaults upon our common language. From bloopers and blunders to Signs of the Times to Mixed-Up Metaphors . . . from Two-Headed Headlines to Mangling Modifiers . . . it's a collection that will leave you roaring with delight and laughter.

Help wanteds:
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.Two-Headed Headlines:Grandmother of eight makes hole in one!Doctor testifies in horse suit.Modern-Day Malapropisms:I suffer from a deviant septum.

• Sales Rank: #437938 in eBooks
• Published on: 2006-04-19
• Released on: 2006-04-19
• Format: Kindle eBook

From the Back Cover

“Richard Lederer is the true king of language comedy. Anguished English is the funniest book I have ever read.” ―Sidney Sheldon

Anguished English is filled with accidental misuses of language that will delight and entertain you. This book has all the student bloopers, dangling modifiers, misread headlines, and malapropisms imaginable. It’s a must-have for word lovers everywhere.

Advertisement: “Dog for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children.”

In a lawsuit: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?” “All my autopsies are on dead people.”

On a Hong Kong tailor shop: “Ladies may have a fit upstairs.”

Describing an accident: “In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”

About the Author

Richard Lederer is the author of more than 35 books about language, history, and humor, including his best-selling Anguished English series. He is founding cohost of A Way with Words on public radio and his syndicated column, "Looking at Language," appears in newspapers and magazines throughout the United States. He lives in San Diego.

 

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

One of the fringe benefits of being an English or history teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay or test paper.

Most helpful customer reviews

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Its a great stocking stuffer
By Tom K.
If you've ever appreciated Mark Twain
If you've ever appreciated Art Linkletter
If you've ever read a history of the English language
If you appreciate regional dialects
If you finished 12th grade English with a seasoned teacher ...
You'll appreciate the content of this book.

Light and enjoyable.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Hilarious Reading!
By Amazon Customer
I read it many years ago and am now buying it again to have on my Kindle. I remember that I actually had to eliminate it from my bed-time reading list because laughed so much it was disturbing the whole household. I had to limit my reading to the moments when I could laugh out loud in peace and quiet. It's not a book to read fast - it has to be savoured slowly in order to fully appreciate everything. A gem of a book!

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
Anguished English
By Amazon Customer
Anguished English is a wonderful book. We gave a copy to our grand-daughter who is an English major at WSU and she has enjoyed it immensly (sp) The entire family enjoyed it over Christmas.

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• Published on: 1982
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• 120 pages

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This book was originally published prior to 1923, and represents a reproduction of an important historical work, maintaining the same format as the original work. While some publishers have opted to apply OCR (optical character recognition) technology to the process, we believe this leads to sub-optimal results (frequent typographical errors, strange characters and confusing formatting) and does not adequately preserve the historical character of the original artifact. We believe this work is culturally important in its original archival form. While we strive to adequately clean and digitally enhance the original work, there are occasionally instances where imperfections such as blurred or missing pages, poor pictures or errant marks may have been introduced due to either the quality of the original work or the scanning process itself. Despite these occasional imperfections, we have brought it back into print as part of our ongoing global book preservation commitment, providing customers with access to the best possible historical reprints. We appreciate your understanding of these occasional imperfections, and sincerely hope you enjoy seeing the book in a format as close as possible to that intended by the original publisher.

• Published on: 2012-08-31
• Released on: 2012-08-31
• Original language: English
• Dimensions: 10.00" h x 1.06" w x 7.50" l,
• Binding: Paperback
• 470 pages

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The biggest secrets have a habit of catching up with you…

Romance novelist Kinsley Wentworth, a young mother who occasionally suffers from depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, has a knack for approaching life as if she were a character in one of her novels. But one thing is certain; she is desperately in need of love, the one thing missing from her marriage.

Bad decisions can have terrifying consequences…

After a failed attempt at reconciliation with her estranged husband Nick, Kinsley meets Wayde online, and they develop a friendship. He’s allegedly searching for her missing brother. Wayde convinces Kinsley that he will help her find her brother if she moves to Florida with her young son, but Kinsley soon finds herself trapped in an abusive and potentially life-threatening situation.

A knight in shining armor…

Unknown to Kinsley, she is not totally alone; she has a protector. Jackson, a private investigator hired to watch over her and her son, is always close at hand. A little too close, Jackson is falling for a woman in a hopeless situation.

A fairytale happily ever after?

Kinsley is convinced she can forgo her own need for love to provide her son with a traditional family. But Jackson is determined to give Kinsley the space and time she needs, confident she will figure out that he is the reality she has been looking for all along.

• Published on: 2014-01-07
• Released on: 2014-01-07
• Format: Kindle eBook

About the Author
Author Biography Christina North is an author who prides herself on creating characters that are authentic, yet, heartbreakingly, troubled souls. Often unlikable, they live, love, and struggle, in a way that not everyone can empathize with. Her characters are recreation of the kind of people we all know, love, and possibly loathe at times. In a world that is often harsh and unforgiving, they don’t always make the right choices and do battle to find their way. Perhaps, you’re one of them. Christina is determined to take her readers with her as she examines the darker side of life in the depth and bring peace and happiness in the end. She also enjoys mixing it up with a bit of suspense, a dash of thrills, and a great romance. A single mother of two teenage boys, Christina was born and raised in Upstate, New York and now resides in Richmond, Virginia. She aspires to live the remainder of her life, creating stories that will touch the hearts of readers everywhere.

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23 of 25 people found the following review helpful.
Mixed Emotions on this One
By Stellalunna
** I received a free copy of this book in an exchange for an honest review **

Christina North’s gives a bitter sweet romance in her debut novel.

“When the Heart Lies” is really about finding true happiness. Kinsley Wentworth is in a failed marriage looking for space to get perspective. When She meets Wayde, an ex military man, who claims he can help her find her brother she jumps at the opportunity. Unfortunately for her Wayde is not what he appears to be and she ends up unhappy in an abusive relationship that she can not escape. All the while in the back round is Jackson, a private investigator, which was hired to make sure she doesn’t get hurt.

I have really mixed feelings on this book.

With out a doubt Christina North has the ability to write. Her characterizations are superbly vivid while the dialogue is just amazing. There is a strong current of sexual desire between Kinsley and Jackson and a few unambiguous encounters that go a long way to proving that point. When she talks about Wayde and his nicotine stained hands I was cringing right along with Kinsley. The strength of this story is the personal relationships and the emotions derived from the situation.

What I question is North’s story telling ability. The book climaxed about two third of the way through, leaving the remainder to pull all the pieces together and explaining why everything came to fruition. I personally felt as though the chapters weren’t in the right order. While North is so outstanding in her romantic writing I found it lacking in on the side of the abuse. I questioned for sometime why Kinsley was so afraid of Wayde. Why doesn’t she just pick up and go. I had a hard time feeling the true threat until almost the climax.

Please don’t get me wrong, there is a strong story here with a few twists and revelations that can rival anything written for a day time soap opera. It is an emotionally charged modern day drama.

15 of 16 people found the following review helpful.
A nice read
By Julius Butcher
OK, this is a review from a guy, who is not the most romantic creature on the Earth - at least my wife says so. I like this book for two reasons.

One: Kinsley, the heroine took revenge on the bad guys. This is what Jack Reacher would do (if you know who I'm talking about). The bastards who beguile, deceit and finally kidnap her are finally punished. The good wins, and gets away with it.

Two: the chemistry between Jackson and Kinsley worked surprisingly well for me. There was wanting, there were obstacles, there were fighting emotions, there were misunderstandings. I'm not an expert in romance, but I found myself turning pages more quickly when they found the love in each other. You know what I mean.

Three (it just came into my mind, so I like the book for three reasons): there were some twists and turns I didn't expect. I don't want to spoil the book, you will have to read it yourself, but there are surprises along the story.

At first I found Kinsley week in character, indecisive, not knowing what she wanted, but later I realised that this is her personality, this is why she made bad decisions, and this is why she had a chance to stand up and get out of the trouble. Besides, who said a protagonist always has to be a strong-willed one?

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful.
Not for me...
By Amazon Customer
I hardly ever delete a book from my Kindle without finishing it even if it is really bad. So to tell you that I stopped and deleted it at 35% on this book should carry some weight. I'm not sure why other reviewers gave it such high ratings, perhaps it gets better as you go along. I simply could not get invested in the story. I didn't care about the characters and felt I was wasting my time. The main female character is so scattered that I couldn't bring myself to care about her drama. I just can't see this scenario happening in real life and it's not fantastic enough to warrant my time.

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In The Land of Nod is the fourth and final volume of Hubert Butler's essays and crowns a remarkable literary odyssey. As Neal Ascherson writes: 'When the first collection appeared in 1985 he was already an old man/ His fame began to spread across his native Ireland and then across the world. By the time of his death in 1991 readers throughout Europe and America were asking in amazement why he had not been part of their common culture before.' This final offering contains some of Butler's most characteristic and revealing work. Its subjets are, variously, literature, language and religion' the politics and culture of the Balkans and Mitteleuropa; and Irish history. Essays on Henry Flood, Wolfe Tone, Pushkin, Chekhov (an unintended self-portrait). F.R. Leavis and Shaw accompany others on Fichte, Maria Pasquinelli, Himmler, Alexi Gierowsky and Martin Luther King. Butler's themes embrace nationalism versus racialism, Communism versus Christianity, the writer as independent spirit, puns and tribal ancestors in the Bible, the workings of history, the interrogation of self. His humanism and range of sympathies, his prescience, his voice, reveal him as one of the outstanding thinkers and writers of the age.

• Sales Rank: #2115804 in eBooks
• Published on: 1996-01-01
• Released on: 1996-01-01
• Format: Kindle eBook

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13 works of Ouida
English novelist, Maria Louise Ramé (1839-1908)

This ebook presents a collection of 13 works of Ouida. A dynamic table of contents allows you to jump directly to the work selected.

Table of Contents:
- A Dog of Flanders
- A House-Party
- Beatrice Boville and Other Stories
- Bébée
- Bimbi
- Cecil Castlemaine's Gage, Lady Marabout's Troubles, and Other Stories
- Critical Studies
- Findelkind
- Folle-Farine
- The Nürnberg Stove
- The Waters of Edera
- Under Two Flags
- Wisdom, Wit, and Pathos of Ouida

• Sales Rank: #1754264 in eBooks
• Published on: 2013-01-15
• Released on: 2013-01-15
• Format: Kindle eBook

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This book was originally published prior to 1923, and represents a reproduction of an important historical work, maintaining the same format as the original work. While some publishers have opted to apply OCR (optical character recognition) technology to the process, we believe this leads to sub-optimal results (frequent typographical errors, strange characters and confusing formatting) and does not adequately preserve the historical character of the original artifact. We believe this work is culturally important in its original archival form. While we strive to adequately clean and digitally enhance the original work, there are occasionally instances where imperfections such as blurred or missing pages, poor pictures or errant marks may have been introduced due to either the quality of the original work or the scanning process itself. Despite these occasional imperfections, we have brought it back into print as part of our ongoing global book preservation commitment, providing customers with access to the best possible historical reprints. We appreciate your understanding of these occasional imperfections, and sincerely hope you enjoy seeing the book in a format as close as possible to that intended by the original publisher.

• Published on: 2012-08-31
• Released on: 2012-08-31
• Original language: English
• Dimensions: 10.00" h x 1.28" w x 7.50" l,
• Binding: Paperback
• 568 pages

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